Friday, August 30, 2013

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: MOM'S NAME USED TO BE FOSTER

Hi! Hi hi hi hi hi Every Buddy! It's me me me me me meeeeeee! Franklin the Bordernese!


Mom told me a really cool story about when her name was Foster. She was Foster Mom.

It was when she lived in Illinois. She saw a story online about a little doggie who was at a shelter. The doggie's name was Lucy. A bad man left Lucy outside without any water when it was really, really hot, so she didn't like men. The story said Lucy needed Foster Mom so she could recover. She was scared at the shelter.

Since Mom's name was Foster Mom already, she went to the shelter to get Lucy. She did it when X was out of town because he didn't think her name should be Foster.

Lucy was little and she liked to nap on Mom's lap. Mom made sure Lucy didn't have to look at any men. When X came home, he behaved himself and sat when Mom told him to. Lucy barked at him if he moved. After a while, Mom let X move a little bit. Lucy got used to him and she didn't hate men so much.

Then Mom took Lucy to devotions because she knew some of the men there were very quiet and gentle and would be kind to Lucy. Lucy liked those men right away.

Mom had done her job. Lucy could go back to the shelter to be adopted. Everyone was amazed when Lucy came in the door and wagged her tail at a man who was there to adopt cats.

Pretty soon, Lucy got her Forever Home. Mom was happy, but she still kinda misses Lucy.

Mom's name isn't Foster anymore. Now she's just Mom.

The End

by Franklin


P.S. Hi, Sophie! I promise you that if we ever meet, I will never steal Mr. Orangie from you. He's all yours. I love looking at the pictures of you when you go swimming. You are so brave.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

MOVIE WEEKEND: THIS IS 40

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present This is 40 for your viewing consideration (2012, Rated R, Available on DVD).


This movie is kind of a sequel to Judd Apatow's Knocked Up, but without the lead characters played by Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl. Now the main characters are Pete (Paul Rudd) and Debbie (Leslie Mann), who were featured in Knocked Up. They are joined by some other members of the Knocked Up cast, including Jason Segal as Jason, who is now Debbie's personal trainer, and Charlyne Yi as stoner Jodi, who works in Debbie's boutique.

Pete and Debbie are celebrating their fortieth birthdays, and not everything is so great. Pete's business is failing. Their kids are headed into the annoying teen years with a vengeance. Debbie's boutique has some crazy stuff going on. They have moments of happiness, but, ultimately, have to realize that their lives have changed for good. They're not kids anymore, even if they do eat marijuana cookies.

I liked this movie more than I thought I would. I expected it to be a total disappointment. Some of you may not have liked Knocked Up, but Favorite Young Man and I thought it was hilarious, laugh-out-loud funny. This Is 40 didn't make me laugh, but I chuckled ruefully at times. Pete and Debbie's problems seemed pretty real to me – real even if you don't live in an amazing house and have catered parties and look as good as Leslie Mann.

I totally related to the scene in which Debbie chews out a boy's ass because he's been rude to her daughter. Some people said on IMDB that they thought this scene went too far, but I loved it that Debbie stood up for her kid and wouldn't let the little brat get away with his crap. I did the same thing to a boy who picked on The Hurricane, but without cursing and threatening him with death.

I also enjoyed the scene in which the boy's mom (Melissa McCarthy) joins Pete and Debbie in the principal's office to accuse Debbie of the crime.

What's not real? I think Pete and Debbie would get divorced instead of making the best of things and staying together.

This Is 40 earns The Janie Junebug Seal of Approval.

Rita, I don't know if you'd like this movie. I have my doubts about it. Dee, I feel quite certain you would not like it.

Happy Viewing, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell. Wow! This is Labor Day weekend. I hope your weather is nice and you can do some fun stuff outdoors. Grill a steak. Swim in a pool. If you can't enjoy the great outdoors, then stock up on movies to watch.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

WHAT? WEDNESDAY: DESIGNER LABELS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Shortly before Christmas, The Hurricane and I shopped at the outlets near St. Augustine. Just for fun, we went in the Gucci store. The prices made me laugh, but some people were buying luggage and paying thousands of dollars for it. The least expensive item in the store was a plain scarf for $150. It wasn't better made or more wonderful than a scarf that cost $15. Some people will pay for the name Gucci, though.

This used Gucci diaper bag is for sale on e-bay for $400.
Why would I pay $400 for something I might have to use to hold a poopy
diaper until I can get to a garbage can?
I think you've already figured out that I'm not impressed by Gucci. But what about you? Here's today's question: Do you like shopping for certain designer labels?

Although I'm not after Gucci, I do like Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren clothes – at the right price. I have a beautiful white Calvin Klein sweater that I bought at Macy's for less than $30. I also have some Ralph Lauren t-shirts that cost less than $10 each.

The Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren clothes are very nice and very durable, but I wouldn't pay full price for them; and I wouldn't buy them because they're named Calvin and Ralph.

On the rare occasions that I shop at Macy's, I head straight for the Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren sale racks. If I can get a well-made piece of clothing at a great price, then, yes, I'm buying. So I do like shopping for Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren. But I'm not out hunting for Yves St. Laurent. I know I can't afford some brands even if they're half off.

How about you: Do you like shopping for certain designer labels?


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

GRATITUDE TUESDAY: HARPER LEE & DR. LEE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Last Thursday morning, between 8 and 9, I had three old fillings replaced – nothing compared to the oral surgery horrors our dear Jenny Matlock has faced of late. I admit, though, that I came home with a bit of a sore mouth, a bit of a headache, and a whole lot of tired.

I checked your comments on that day's blog, and then settled down for a long summer's nap. I watched something on the TV for a while. Normally, as soon as I sit anywhere, Franklin joins me immediately. But that day, it was Harper who stayed next to me.



He must have been concerned about me. I slept most of the day, and every time I opened my eyes, he was by my side. I went to bed early that night and when I awoke for a bathroom run, Harper was in the bed with me.


Having dogs who watch over me gives me such a safe feeling. I'm so grateful for the Z-Boys.

Harper never complains about having a woman's name, and he has beautiful big brown eyes. The Hurricane did some research and learned that he is a smooth collie/malinois mix. He doesn't mind that my French accent is very bad. Harper loves me just as I am.

But I have so much for which to be grateful. Notice that I wrote everything was done between 8 and 9. My dentist, Dr. Joseph Lee of Normandy Dentistry in Jacksonville, didn't piddle-fart around. He worked very quickly with the assistance of a tech. I won't say it was fun, but at least it didn't take long to get all three old fillings out and re-filled, which Dr. Lee hopes will ease my toofers' sensitivity to cold.

The last dentist I had dumped me because I missed an appointment. Even though I called in advance! How unforgiving. Dr. Lee, I am so grateful for you.



Isn't he a nice looking young cutie pie? He's very sweet and polite.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Monday, August 26, 2013

HAPPY JEANS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

For a long, long time, two pairs of jeans were on a hanger in my bedroom. Though they were on the hanger together, they were lonely because no one wore them. One pair was plain blue denim, and the other pair was blue-and-white striped.

I kept them hanging on my bedroom door because, in spite of their loneliness, I was determined to bring them back to life. You see, they had gotten to be too tight for me to wear. I hadn't worn them in at least five years.

I've continued my high protein diet and steady weight loss. So last weekend, it suddenly occurred to me that I should try on the jeans. The plain blue ones fit perfectly. The striped pair was a little too big, but not noticeably so.





When I found out that these jeans fit, I did a happy dance all over the house. I also took a whole big bunch of my too-large-for-me clothes to Goodwill.

I'm not going to tell you what size these jeans are. I'll just telling these size-eight yellow jeans not to go anywhere, because I'm a-comin' to gitcha.




Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Saturday, August 24, 2013

ELEMENTAL BY BRANDON AX

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I haven't read Elemental by Brandon Ax yet, but I have ordered it from Amazon. You can, too. It's at http://www.amazon.com/Elemental-Light-Bringer-Saga-Volume/dp/148414791X.



Brandon is having a very cool giveaway at his blog, which you can find at
http://baxwriting.blogspot.com/2013/08/mollys-set.html.

I've invited him to participate in one of my AUTHOR AUTHOR interviews after I read the book. If you go ahead and order it, you'll be able to share your opinion.

Brandon seems to be a super nice guy. Let's get out there and give him some bloggy love and buy his book.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


Friday, August 23, 2013

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: DEAR MISS DOODLE

Hi, Every Buddy! It's me, me, me me me me Franklin the Bordernese. Excuse me, but I need to use my laptop time this week to write a personal note.

Dear Miss Doodle:

Mom has shown me pictures of you at your dads' blogs: Jim at http://jabacue.blogspot.com/
and Ron at http://fromsophiesview.blogspot.com/.

Please forgive me for stealing this photo of you, but I just can't help myself.



Miss Doodle, you are so absolutely bootiful. Can we be friends?


From Franklin the Bordernese, who admires you from afar.

I fall asleep dreaming of you, Miss Doodle.
May I call you Sophie?

Thursday, August 22, 2013

MOVIE WEEKEND: CLOUD ATLAS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

This week I present Cloud Atlas as a possibility for your viewing pleasure (2012, Rated R, Available on DVD).



Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Grant, Susan Sarandon, and a host of other actors each play multiple roles in this science fiction-y sort of film in which the impact of actions ripples across the ages. Six time periods and plot lines are explored.

I would not have given this movie a second thought, but fortunately lovely Rita from SoulComfort's Corner recommended it to me and told me how to prepare to watch it.

I am not a fan of science fiction, but I am a fan of interesting and unusual movies. Cloud Atlas definitely fills the bill. Because a sequence can begin in one time period and then move directly into another time period, the movie is a little difficult to watch. Rita told me to read about the movie on IMDB so I'd understand it better. She also suggested watching the closing credits first, so I'd know more about the characters and who played them. Rita thought I might want to watch the movie twice.

Because Rita's recommendations gave me some idea of what to expect, I didn't feel the need to watch the movie a second time in order to understand it, but some day, I'm sure I'll want to watch the movie again because it's good and I know I can get more out of it.

Rita said that Cloud Atlas might not interest me because it's about reincarnation, and I don't believe in reincarnation. However, I'm usually open to other points of view, so the thought of reincarnation as a plot point didn't upset me or freak me out. Then I watched the movie and told Rita that I thought it was about one of my favorite themes, the interconnectedness of humankind. I guess we each see what interests us and grabs our attention.

Cloud Atlas is magical and fascinating, but you have to pay close attention to it. You can't sew a button on a shirt while you're watching it, because in the blink of an eye, everything changes.

I didn't care for the post-apocalyptic scenes very much, and hearing Halle Berry say "true-true" in the kind of pidgin English the characters use for these scenes kind of annoyed me. I don't know why. It just did.

My favorite plot line had to do with a nursing home. No surprise there.

I think teenagers of about 14 and older could watch this movie with you. They probably would like the adventure aspects of the movie, and might enjoy spotting all the characters each actor plays. You could make it into kind of a game: Who can spot every character played by Tom Hanks?

As always, I recommend that you view the movie without your youngsters before deciding to let them watch it. Be prepared for violence and sexuality.

I don't know how the directors and writers and editors managed to make this into a cohesive film, but they did it quite successfully. Cloud Atlas earns The Janie Junebug Seal of Approval, and after a second viewing, it might earn The Highest Seal of Approval.

Robert Frobisher: And all becomes clear. Wish I could make you see this brightness. Don't worry, all is well. All is so perfectly, damnably well. I understand now, that boundaries between noise and sound are conventions. All boundaries are conventions, waiting to be transcended. One may transcend any convention, if only one can first conceive of doing so. Moments like this, I can feel your heart beating as clearly as I feel my own, and I know that separation is an illusion. My life extends far beyond the limitations of me.


Happy Viewing!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


Sonmi-451: Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others. Past and present. And by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

WHAT? WEDNESDAY: TOO SPECIAL TO EXPERIENCE AGAIN

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Yes, I used to have WHAT? MONDAY posts, but I ran out of questions for a while. Lately, I've been getting curiouser and curiouser again, so I think I'll use some Wednesdays to interrogate you.

Today's question is Have you ever felt a book or a movie was too special to experience it a second time?

In other words, do you want a book or movie to stay in your head the way you felt about it right away, instead of looking at it a second time and maybe finding flaws or feeling too familiar with it? Is it special enough to make it a one-time experience?

The Hurricane and I each have a book so special to us that we will not read the book a second time.

For The Hurricane, THAT book is The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver.


The Hurricane read The Poisonwood Bible when she was in high school and announced immediately that it was the best book she had ever read and so important to her that she would never read it again.

I love it, too. I haven't read it a second time, but I probably will one of these days.

For me, the book I won't read again is Dinner At The Homesick Restaurant by Anne Tyler.


I'm an Anne Tyler fan. This book is her masterpiece. It's so beautiful that I want to preserve it in my mind in the way I first experienced it. Also, I find it heartbreaking, and I can't go through the pain of reading it again.

I don't have movies I won't see a second time. I've found that whether I love or kind of like a movie, I like it even more the second time around because I notice aspects of it I didn't see before.

Now, how about you? Have you ever felt a book or a movie was too special to experience it a second time?

Share with me, darlings.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

GRATITUDE TUESDAY: LA-DI-DA

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I am grateful today because I have some new art in my living room, and especially grateful because it was painted by our lovely friend Jenny Matlock who blogs at . . . off on my tangent. Jenny paints and sells cool signs in her etsy shop at http://www.etsy.com/shop/OffonMyTangent?ref=em.

Here's an example of her work:





She has lots of interesting stuff, each piece unique, but I wanted something that was special to me. So I asked Jenny if she did custom work. She replied in the affirmative, and before long I had one of my favorite movie lines in white letters on a red background.

Annie Hall (Diane Keaton), in the eponymous movie, says, "la-di-da, la-di-da, la la." May not mean much to you, but it kind of expresses my philosophy about life; and I've said it many times. You can ask my kids.

Here's a closeup of my sign, custom painted especially for me by Jenny Matlock, hanging in my living room:




And here's the entire corner where it hangs:



You can see Favorite Young Man's little girl, Stella, down at the corner of this photo. She's been visiting me because FYM was on vacation.

Jenny sent the sign, which was very reasonably priced, wrapped in adorable paper. I felt as if I were receiving a gift. And I was! She also sent a cute card with a very sweet note, and a mint tea bag. I feel positively spoiled.

Jenny Matlock, blogger and artist extraordinaire, I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOU!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Monday, August 19, 2013

DO YOU REMEMBER KNIFE-PLEATED SKIRTS?

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Do you remember knife-pleated skirts? I had one in about 1979. It was a dress with a knife-pleated skirt, but you can also buy a pleated skirt and wear it with some other top.

I've noticed knife pleats in some catalogs lately, so I guess they're in again. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then here's a photo to help you out:


Does this give you some idea of what I mean? The skirt has very small pleats.

My knife-pleated skirt was a much fuller skirt than the one in the photo. It was also the skirt of an entire dress. It was very pretty. It was white because once upon a time I could wear white without getting a stain on my clothes within 30 seconds. It had a pattern of little blue flowers. I bought it in Gimbel's in Washington, D.C. I'm pretty sure Gimbel's went out of business about five minutes after I bought my adorable dress.

I returned to good old Topeka with my pretty dress from Gimbel's and wore it to work at Macy's. Macy's was downtown when cities still had department stores downtown. I was the switchboard operator in the Macy's office. This occurred during olden times when you could call a business and ACTUALLY SPEAK TO A PERSON AND GET SOME HELP. I know it's shocking. All of this stuff happened so long ago that I don't think you can even find it in a history book.

Lunch time rolled around and my pretty new dress and I strolled down the street toward a little sandwich shop with my friend and co-worker, Deeanna, who counted Mr. Macy's money in the vault. All of a sudden, a gust of wind blew up my skirt so my panties showed. People in cars gawked.

For a second, I felt embarrassed. But then I got over it because I realized I was no longer little Janie Junebug, switchboard operator at Macy's. I had been transformed into Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch.


I wish people had had cell phones with cameras then because my white dress with the knife-pleated skirt and my cute little undies would have been all over the place on Facebook. Some people might have made videos for YouTube, but all that technology was so far off in the future that we didn't even consider the possibility that it would ever happen.

So, I'm sorry I don't have a photo of my Monroe moment. You'll just have to take my word for it that it happened.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug, who is back among the living

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

the last night

I realize now that I should have added one of my admonitions to this poem that the speaker in the poem is not necessarily the same person as the poet. The Z-Boys and I are not sitting around stacking up pills. We have far too much to do. In fact, the next item on our agenda is dusting the cubby holes in my closet -- the ones the shoes go in. Can you believe I used to have to keep my shoes in their boxes? I now lead a more civilized life with a shoe for every cubby and a cubby for every shoe.




last night she tried to kill herself
she lined up the pills in rows
pink for xanax, green for klonopin, white for pain

but they didn't work
because nothing can stop the pain
inside her head

Sunday, August 11, 2013

DANCING ON GRAVES

When my ex-husband dies,
I will buy a red dress.
The dress will be the brightest red it can be.
It will be made of silky, flouncy material.
Maybe it will be real silk.

The dress will have a skirt that whirls and twirls when I dance.
I will dance on his grave.
Then I will dance on the graves of all the men who prostituted me.
I will dance so hard, and I will dance so fast, whirling and twirling.
Then I will dance straight into a grave of my own.

VISITING MY GRAVE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

This blog is temporarily closed until I rise from the dead. Please don't leave comments. I enabled comment moderation long ago so you won't see your comments and you'll wonder, What in the hell is wrong with blogger?

But it's not blogger. It's me.




Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

THIS POST IS KIND OF A POST

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I'm ba-aaaaaack. I didn't tell the truth about what I was doing because it's not wise to advertise that I'm not in my house. Favorite Young Man was staying here with the Z-Boys. If someone had broken in while I was gone . . . well, let's just say it wouldn't have been pretty. I feel too sorry for burglars to have them sneaking in when FYM is here.

The truth is that I went to Utah to help Middle Child and Her Mother From Another Planet. They needed an intervention. They needed to reconcile.

More news to come. I'll also review the hotel in which I stayed.

Right now, I'm tired.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Thursday, August 1, 2013

THIS POST ISN'T REALLY A POST

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I'm writing this post that isn't really a post to let you know that I have to take off for a few days to get my shit together get some work done.

Stop crying. I'll be back.

I said I'll be back. It won't be that long.

Oh, for heaven's sake. Get a grip.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug