Thursday, June 27, 2013

MOVIE WEEKEND: DJANGO UNCHAINED

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present for your consideration Django Unchained (2012, Rated R, Available on DVD).



German dentist turned bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz) buys a slave named Django (Jamie Foxx) who can help him find some men he wants to kill for the bounty on their heads. Schultz teaches Django to work with him, and eventually their goal becomes the rescue of Django's wife, Broomhilda (Kerry Washington), a slave to evil Mississippi plantation owner Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio), who is aided and abetted by his long-term slave, Stephen (Samuel L. Jackson).

I love this movie. Yes, it's violent, and yes, it's filled with repeated use of the n-word and many other profanities. However, it's a Quentin Tarantino film. You get what writer/director Quentin Tarantino always brings to the table. Tarantino won the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay for this movie. He deserved it.

The acting is excellent. Christoph Waltz won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor (it was his second Best Supporting Actor win; the first was for Inglorious Basterds, also a Tarantino film that I like very much).

Jamie Foxx makes an excellent Django. I read on the Internet Movie Data Base (IMDB) that Tarantino wrote the role for Will Smith, who turned it down. I'm glad he did. I don't picture Smith having the gravitas and the cojones that Foxx brings to the part.

DiCaprio is so evil that now I can't stand him, and Samuel L. Jackson is just plain sickening.

This movie most definitely is not for children. You might watch it with older teens who are interested in history and important filmmakers.

The thing is, I think you're a Tarantino person, or you aren't. Tarantino films are not for the squeamish or faint of heart. I am a Tarantino lover. Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction are outstanding, and I rank Django Unchained as highly as those two. I have yet to see a Tarantino movie I didn't think was brilliant.

I was not going to see Django because I read some reviews that said it's racist. I mentioned this to Rita at SoulComfort's Corner, who watched it on DVD and liked it. She said, Of course it's racist. They're in the south during slavery.

I knew that if Rita liked it, then I probably would like it, too. Rita was right.

Favorite Young Man also think Django is great. We talked about the way Tarantino aestheticizes violence. The man has a style that's all his own.

I also love the trademark Tarantino comic relief. In one scene, a group of Regulators (forerunners to the KKK) are out in the dark, wearing white hoods with slits cut in them for their eyes. A number of them complain that they can't see properly while wearing the hoods. The Regulator whose wife made the hoods whines, Gripe, gripe, gripe. He's upset because the other men don't appreciate his wife's work.

Django Unchained has The Janie Junebug Highest Seal of Approval.

Happy Movie Viewing! I'm still editing.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

GRATITUDE TUESDAY: I'M EDITING

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I'm grateful because I have a book to edit. I love editing. I get to correct errors.

Unfortunately, my posts may be rather sporadic till I'm finished with the book, and I might not get around to your blogs the way I usually do.



Please be patient with me, dear friends. I'm grateful for all of you, too.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Monday, June 24, 2013

TWO LOVERS IN LOVE




Two lovers in love
laughed at the sea,
laughed as the waves splashed the shore.
The water was cold
and it tickled their toes
and they laughed
and sang la la la laa.

Two lovers in love
loved though as one, and
laughed as the waves splashed the shore.
The water was warm
and it licked at their toes
and they laughed
and sang la la la laa.

Two lovers in love
labored as one, and
laughed as the waves splashed the shore.
The waters burst last
and fell to the floor.
They laughed at the shore,
three laughed, and then four
and they laughed
and sang la la la laa.




Friday, June 21, 2013

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: THE MONSTER IN THE HOUSE

Hi, Every Buddy. It's me: Franklin the Bordernese.



I don't like what's going on at our house. Mom has brought a new creature to live with us.

Her name is Mrs. Roomba. I thought she would stay in her own spot, like Mrs. Toaster or Mrs. Coffeemaker, but no, she roams around the house whirring away. I can't get comfortable and take a nap or look out the window without her chasing me.

This is what she looks like:


But she's a whole lot bigger, and she can talk. It's so creepy.

Mom is in love with Mrs. Roomba. She says she'll probably write a GRATITUDE TUESDAY post about Mrs. Roomba because Mrs. Roomba cleans up me and my brothers' hair. Mom says we're shedding a lot now because it's hot outside.

I'm not shedding. I wouldn't shedding. Shedding sounds bad. I'm never a bad dog.

Um, could somebody explain to me what shedding means? I know I don't do it. I'm just curious.

Mrs. Roomba is gonna drive me crazy. When we go to bed at night and shut the bedroom door, I hear her whirring around the house.

I want Mrs. Roomba to go away, or stay in one place. She shouldn't bump into poor little innocent doggies who never do any shedding.

I love you, Every Buddy. I'm just very tired right now.

Franklin The Bordernese



Thursday, June 20, 2013

MOVIE WEEKEND: HYDE PARK ON HUDSON

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present for your consideration Hyde Park On Hudson (2012, Rated R, Available On DVD).

 

Franklin Roosevelt (Bill Murray)  requests a visit from his distant cousin, Daisy Suckley (rhymes with bookly, played by Laura Linney), who helps him relax when he's visiting his family home, Springwood, in Hyde Park, New York. The visits turn into an affair, and before she knows it, Daisy finds herself involved in even greater affairs when King George VI and Queen Elizabeth travel to Hyde Park during 1939.

Hyde Park On Hudson is enjoyable enough. I like Laura Linney very much, and Bill Murray really captures the way Roosevelt positioned his head and held his cigarette. The movie humanizes the Roosevelt family and the King and Queen (the current Queen Elizabeth's parents). It's kind of amusing to see tiffs between family members because Roosevelt's mother didn't want him to serve cocktails. The King and Queen behave a bit irritably with one another, too. It's a good story.

But that's just it: It's a story. It bothers me when a movie purports to tell the truth about historical figures and then does no such thing.


SPOILER ALERT:  Roosevelt had an intense emotional involvement with Daisy and with his secretary, Missy LeHand, and with some other women, too. FDR liked the ladies. He had an affair with Eleanor's social secretary, Lucy Mercer, during World War I. But did he have affairs with a multitude of women while he was President? No proof exists. Did Daisy give FDR a hand job while they were out for a drive? Not likely. The story is supposed to be based on Daisy's diaries and letters. Her diary doesn't say there was an affair, or a hand job, or anything else except a very close and loving friendship. Although some mishaps occurred during the King and Queen's visit, I can't imagine that the Roosevelts allowed the King and Queen to hear them quarreling. I doubt if the Queen picked on the King when they were staying in the Roosevelt family home. When the King and Queen are on their way to Hyde Park, the King is portrayed as getting out of the car to have a cigarette and waving to a farmer, who ignores him. I guess it's supposed to be funny. In reality, crowds greeted George VI and Elizabeth everywhere they went. FDR was not able to walk with crutches or canes, and he couldn't get out of his wheelchair and lean on furniture to propel himself around as the movie shows him doing. At the end of the movie, Daisy says that Missy was so important to FDR that he was leaving her half his estate if he predeceased her. Well, he did -- predecease Missy, that is. Although Missy was an invalid when FDR died, he left his entire estate to his wife, Eleanor. The movie even shows Daisy and Missy becoming close friends, while both are having adulterous relationships with FDR. That's pretty ridiculous. It is true, however, that Lucy Mercer, who became Mrs. Rutherford, visited FDR at The White House when Eleanor was away. She was with him in Warm Springs, Georgia, when he died, as was Daisy. Eleanor Roosevelt felt devastated when she learned that Franklin had been seeing Lucy, and that Franklin and Eleanor's daughter Anna helped arrange the visits. Franklin had promised he would never see Lucy again.  END OF SPOILER ALERT



I think what's lacking in this moving – in addition to the truth – is the Roosevelt family's aristocratic air. The actress who plays Eleanor (Olivia Williams) doesn't even attempt to reproduce her voice and mannerisms. In catching them as regular folks, the filmmaker doesn't keep in mind that the Roosevelts weren't regular folks at all. The father figure who gave away the bride at their wedding was none other than Eleanor's uncle, Teddy Roosevelt, who happened to be the President of the United States at the time. This is no ordinary family.

This movie is not for children. I think it would bore teens and give them misguided notions about U.S. history.

I hereby grant Hyde Park On Hudson The Janie Junebug Half-Assed Seal of Approval. Watch at risk of being confused. Though maybe you prefer lies to the truth. A lot of people do.

A break from reality can feel good. That's why I don't completely disapprove of Hyde Park On Hudson.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING AND LISTENING AND READING

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I've been hearing a lot about how the NSA, under the guise auspices of Homeland Security, has continued to read our email and listen in on our conversations – a practice begun during a previous administration, and because no one is minding the store, the shoplifting continues. I realize that this behavior annoys, pisses off, or even inflames some people.



But I read a very interesting article about how government spying on the American people averted a tragedy earlier this year when a couple of young men planned to plant some bombs at the finish line of the Boston marathon.

What's that you say? Huh? Those guys did that and didn't get caught till AFTER they killed and injured some people and caused all sorts of trouble? Oh, shit crap what the fuck my bad. Haven't watched the news since . . . I don't want to bring up that tragedy.

Well, since the covert actions continue, I want to volunteer to be of some assistance. I'm not very good at spying on people. I don't even make a good nosy neighbor. Sweet Young Allison was several months into her pregnancy before someone mentioned to me  I noticed she had a baby bump.

Because I'm not a good spy, then I want to volunteer to be spied on. If the government will concentrate on me, they can stop bothering some of the people who are upset about the whole schlemiel.

I don't mind at all if they watch me. They can put a nanny cam in my house.


The government can listen to me 24/7, including in my bedroom.



They can read my letters to my mother-in-law. They can read my email. They can follow me everywhere I go, which is usually from the house to the yard and back in the house. Maybe a spy will even remind me not to weed whip my leg again (and I was not wearing shorts when I did that, Coffey).

American Public: I want to be the U.S. Government's Whipping Girl.

I am so fascinating that no one will bother the rest of you ever again.



Please. Martyr me. I can take it.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

P.S. Just one thing, NSA: Could you please not read my blog? Sometimes I write some kind of private things here, and I don't want just anybody reading my stuff.



Oh, and please don't confuse me with some other blogger. This is what I look like:



Thank you for you cooperation.




Tuesday, June 18, 2013

GRATITUDE TUESDAY: MY PARENTS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

From time to time, I describe my mom as "difficult", but one difficulty my mother didn't have was with spending money. She was extraordinarily generous. My dad was right there with her when it came to giving.


After my dad retired from the military, the Air Force base where he had been stationed was closed. They couldn't go on without my dad, right?

I was a newlywed, and then a young mom, living not too far from Fort Riley, Kansas, while X (not yet Dr. X) finished his bachelor's degree. We didn't have much money. At times, the only "food" in our refrigerator was a pitcher of water.

Because the base had closed, my parents couldn't shop for groceries at the base exchange. So they started going to Fort Riley to shop once a month.

On their way home from Fort Riley, they always stopped to see me – and their newest grandson – in our small married student housing apartment. And, oh, by the way, there were some groceries they'd picked up for us just in case we needed them: a bag of apples, and a box of crackers, and some laundry detergent, and a little of this, and a little of that.

Every month, until X graduated and we moved on to another university in a different state, my parents showed up at our door with food for us. They would even take a cooler in their car so they could drop off some milk and meat.

I always said, Gosh, thanks, this is great. But I never told them what a difference those monthly gifts made in the quality of our lives.

I think they knew.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Monday, June 17, 2013

Friday, June 14, 2013

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: THE ORIGINAL DOG

Hi, Every Buddy! It's me me me memememememememe! I just sang that last part so my voice will be ready in case I need to howl along to a siren.

Anyway, I'm Franklin the Bordernese, and today is my day. This is what I look like when I get up close to Mom's camera. She says I have sweet brown eyes. Gosh, Mom loves me so much, and I love her.


Mom says that I am here because of THE ORIGINAL DOG. His name was Faulkner, and he went to Heaven to live before I moved in. He was the gateway dog. He was so smart and so bootiful that he made Mom want to have other dogs.

Mom says I can tell you some stories about Faulkner. He was a smooth collie. This is Faulkner:


Mom and Faulkner fell in love as soon as they met. He was 11 months old. He lived with people who didn't take good care of him, so Mom took him to her house so they could love each other forever.

Faulkner was the only purebred dog to live with Mom. He had special papers that she sent away someplace so the whole world could know his full name. He was called Faulkner of Sound and Fury. Mom says that's because of a book by a writer named Faulkner.

Because Faulkner was a real collie, he had a herding instinct. It meant he wanted to tell people and other things which way they were supposed to go. The Hurricane was in middle school when Faulkner moved in. Mom would let him out of the house when The Hurricane got off the school bus. He would run around The Hurricane and give her little nudges to make sure she went in the garage and then in the house. I guess he was worried she didn't quite know how to get home, so he took care of her. She always thanked him and told him she couldn't make it without him.

I've met that Hurricane girl. She's so pretty. She visits sometimes. Hurricane says "hi" to Mom, and then she hugs and kisses us doggies and tells us how wonderful we are and says she's missed us. I like her. She shares her toast, too. I wish she'd visit more often.

I'm not saying Faulkner was wrong, but The Hurricane seems pretty smart to me. I think she knew how to get in the house, but Faulkner felt like he needed to take care of his family so he made sure she was okay.

I've never met Dr. X, but Mom said when he would get home from work and drive his car into the garage that Faulkner would herd the car to make sure Dr. X got the car in the right way. I think Faulkner was very smart and very brave to be able to tell a car what to do.

Faulkner never ran away, and he never went out to the road by himself. He stayed where he was supposed to be and looked after his family.

I never run away, either. I want to be just like THE ORIGINAL DOG.

I take care of Mom. I bark really loud at strangers who come to our door. I pretend I'm mean, and the strangers almost always get big eyes and they back away from my door.

That makes me feel important.

I'm part collie, but I'm not a smooth collie like Faulkner. I'm a border collie and a Burnese Mountain dog. I don't feel like I need to herd people, and Mom says I'm fine just the way I am.

Thanks for reading about Faulkner, Every Buddy. I'll tell you more about THE ORIGINAL DOG some other time. Right now I have to bark at a cat that's in our driveway.

YOU DON'T BELONG HERE, MISTER CAT! Woof woof wooooooofffffff!

I love you, Every Buddy!

Franklin

Thursday, June 13, 2013

MOVIE WEEKEND: LES MISERABLES

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present for your consideration the very interesting Les Miserables (2012, Rated PG-13, Available on DVD).



The Hurricane and I saw the trailer for Les Miserables back in December when Hurricane whirled and twirled and insisted I must see Lincoln on a big screen (she was right). The trailer caught our eyes and tempted us, but I'm glad we didn't succumb. This movie is long and has so much going on that I think I would have been uncomfortable in a movie theater seat (as opposed to the theater seats in my family room), without the ability to pause the movie for a water and potty break, and my eyes would have started to ache from all the light and commotion on the big screen.

Why don't long movies have intermissions the way they did when I was a kid? Is it because people are more easily distracted now, and don't mind taking their eyes off the screen in order to buy a soda? I don't want to miss a single minute of a movie that's at all likable.

But, ah, I digress.

Although reactions to this movie seem to be mixed, I'm glad I watched the DVD, and I'm grateful that Lovely Rita from SoulComfort's Corner told me not to see any other versions of Les Miserables first. She said that a better rendition of the movie would ruin the most current edition for me. I rarely disagree with Lovely Rita.

Based on the novel by Victor Hugo, Les Miserables features Jean Valjean (Hugh Jackman), who has served many years in prison for stealing a loaf of bread to feed his sister's starving child. At the beginning of the movie, he's released and decides to break parole so he can begin life anew. After Jean Valjean becomes a mayor and successful businessman, he adopts Cosette (Amanda Seyfried), and raises her as his own child when her mother, Fantine (Anne Hathaway), dies, but he is always aware of the hunt for him conducted by Inspector Javert (Russell Crowe).

At first, I felt overwhelmed by the non-stop singing in this movie. Very few words are spoken. But then I started to enjoy it. I recognized a couple of the songs, and enjoyed many I'd never heard before, especially the raunchy and amusing "Master of the House," sung by the Thenadiers (Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter). I felt particularly impressed by the work of the children in the film, including Daniel Huttlestone as Gavroche.

It seems to me to be an overwhelming task to have the actors sing live instead of recording their songs and lip synching them as is usually done for musicals, so Les Mis represents a remarkable achievement. Russell Crowe is the one weak link in the movie. His voice isn't quite up to the task, and he doesn't give off the air of malicious authority that Javert should have. I'm not an Amanda Seyfriend fan, but she's okay. Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway are very good. Hathaway deserved her Best Supporting Actress Academy Award for managing to look so gaunt and ravaged and for sobbing while singing. I'm a big Helena Bonham Carter fan, so I was happy to see her in a part.

I give Les Miserables The Janie Junebug Seal of Approval. I don't think it's appropriate for children, what with prostitutes and thieves and killings. I have no idea if it would interest teens. You know your kids. I don't. I think it would be worthwhile for teenagers to watch it if it helps them develop compassion.

Now, having said all that, a couple of weeks after I watched the DVD, I watched The 25th Anniversary of Les Miserables In Concert, recorded on PBS by my close personal friend, DVR. Oi! Was I amazed. The quality of the singing was so much higher. It increased my respect for the music, and made me long to see a Broadway-quality production of the show.

I haven't yet watched any other movie version of Les Mis, but I look forward to seeing some. The DVD of Les Miserables definitely piqued my interest.

Happy Movie Watching!

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

GRATITUDE TUESDAY: THE ANSWER ISN'T IN THE DETAILS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I apologize, but I can't give you any details to explain why my gratitude level has reached an all-time high. But I can tell you that by the grace of God, and the help of friendships old and new, it has hit me harder than ever before that I am not the helpless, incompetent person that my mother and Dr. X said I was.

Janie Junebug is reborn.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug



May the Lord bless you and keep you, may He make His face to shine upon you, and may He grant you peace.















Monday, June 10, 2013

NAUGHTY NEIGHBORS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Before I tell you about NAUGHTY NEIGHBORS, I want to introduce you to some nice neighbors I've discovered in the blogosphers.

First up is Coffee Lady at My 2nd Cup. Coffee Lady had a problem with her original blog, My Morning Cup of Coffee, so she had to start over. It's been difficult for her to get in touch with her former followers to let them know where she is. I urge you to check out Coffee Lady and consider following her.

Second, meet LittleMyoo at delusions of ingenuity. I think she might be as nutty as I am, and you know that's saying a lot. So please check out LittleMyoo and consider clicking on her Follow button.

If you follow these ladies, then please tell them Janie Junebug sent you. That way they'll know who to  blame thank for all the new crazies visiting them.

Now, onto naughty neighbors. Susie at looniesuse inspired me to write this post when she wrote a post about her neighbor's rowdy grandchildren, which she then deleted because she thought it was too mean. Well, I don't want to be too mean about the naughty neighbors I had, and I didn't think Susie was mean. We had these neighbors so long ago that I think of them as an amusing memory.

It happened in a faraway land when some people built a house on the empty lot next to our house. The new people began life in our neighborhood by cutting down all the trees on their lot.




They had two children: a boy who was six, just like Favorite Young Man, and a girl, who was three. The Hurricane was born not too long after they moved into their brand spanking new house.

Girl Child had a name other than Girl Child. It was the name we had chosen if The Hurricane popped out in female form.

But after we got to know Girl Child, we chose a different potential name for The Hurricane, so that was how Baby Hurricane came not to be named Katharine.

Girl Child


We had a sliding glass door that led to the part of our kitchen where we sat down to eat meals together. As we enjoyed whatever I had cooked that day, Girl Child would suddenly appear at the sliding glass door to gaze upon us as we noshed. She's peer in at us, and I'd get up and close the drapes.

One day, I was working in the kitchen, and I heard a noise in the garage. The garage door was open because Favorite Young Man and Boy Child were running in and out and playing together. Apparently Girl Child had followed them and only got as far as the garage, WHERE SHE GOT IN MY CAR.

I took Girl Child home that day, and mentioned to her mother that she had been in my car. Mom gave me a look as if to say, Well, big deal.

From then on, I locked my car, even though it was parked in our garage.

Girl Child continued her wandering ways.

I think my favorite story is about Boy Child.

Boy Child had quite a naughty mouth, which included frequently taking the name of the Lord in vain. We attended church every Sunday, and I hadn't yet developed my own mouth that needed to be washed out with soap. So we asked Boy Child not to say Jesus Christ when something went wrong.

Boy Child would not cease and desist, and one day his father heard Dr. X telling Boy Child not to say Jesus Christ. The father said, What's wrong with saying Jesus Christ? We sent him to a preschool at a church and they said Jesus Christ all the time.

We were absolutely amazed that an adult who had a good job with a nice paycheck didn't know the difference between a prayer and a curse. Dr. X endeavored to educate father and son with no success.

Our neighborly situation definitely could have been much worse. I know some young people whose first home was across the street from a house that had all-night parties every Monday. It was loud, and people were coming and coming throughout the night. It seems those neighbors were making pornos.

I feel very fortunate to live next to Hot Young Anthony and Sweet Young Allison. If they make pornos, they do it quietly.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


Friday, June 7, 2013

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: VOTE FOR MIDDLE CHILD!

Hi! Hi! Hi! Every buddy, it's me! Franklin the Bordernese!



I'm not too sure what this Middle Child thing is that Mom has. I've never seen her. But she calls on the little box that Mom talks into, and while they're talking, I hear Mom laugh and laugh and laugh.

Anyway, now that I have my own regular blog post, Mom asked me to do something special for the very first Franklin (that's me) Friday (that's what day it is).

Mom says Middle Child is nominated for something because she's a mom and because she started a business and because she writes books. So Mom and me would like it a whole bunch if every buddy would go to

 Voiceboks--The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom

and click on the little thumbs up to vote for Middle Child. Oh, Mom says Middle Child is named Elisa and her blog is The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom. Mom says she's voted twice and it worked both times.

Ooooooooh!
Mom says this is Middle Child and her hubsand.
She's so pretty I knda wish I could do that thing that doggies do sometimes
to a person's leg. Not that I would really do that. Not me. 

I know that if Mom loves Middle Child, then us dogs love her, too.

I think next Friday I'm gonna tell you some stories about Faulkner. He was the Original Dog. I never got to meet him because he went to Heaven before I came here to live. But Mom says I'm here because of Faulkner. He was the gateway dog. I think that means he went through a gate, but Mom says it's like pot being called the gateway drug.

Is she talking about Mr. Pot? His first name is Coffey. Mom says Mr. Pot is a republican, but we love him anyway. I dunno what that means, but Mom says some people call us damnacrats.

I love you! I love you! I'm sending you kisses through the thing with light inside it!

This is my brother, Scout.
Mom says that sometimes he doesn't play well with others.
I think that means he watches Harper and me play and he barks at us to settle down.
Scout should just shuddup sometimes.
heheheheheheheh


Bye till next Friday!

Franklin the Bordernese

Thursday, June 6, 2013

MOVIE WEEKEND: PARENTAL GUIDANCE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I've decided to try switching MOVIE WEEKEND to Thursdays. It will give you more time to select a movie for the weekend, or to put a movie in your Netflix queue so you can get it by the next weekend.

Besides, Susie at loonysuse suggested that I add FRANKLIN FRIDAY to my schedule. Franklin loves writing posts, so I think I'll let him help me every week.

Well, all righty then. Today I present for your consideration Parental Guidance (2012, Rated PG, Available on DVD).



Highly organized, career driven, and strict with their children, Alice (Marisa Tomei) and Phil (Tom Everett Scott), need to go out of town for a few days, so they reluctantly ask Alice's parents – who have difficulty following their many rules – to stay with their three children. Artie (Billy Crystal) and Diane (Bette Midler) arrive and soon find themselves in trouble with their daughter and out of touch with their grandchildren.

My initial reaction to this movie was what a waste of talent. Marisa Tomei is a great actress, and this film isn't worthy of her abilities. Billy Crystal delivers his lines as if he's performing a stand up routine. How can these grandparents, who seem pretty lively, have such difficulty with the contemporary world?

But on the positive side, this is a movie you can watch with your children and/or grandchildren. I think kids from about ages 6 to 16 can enjoy Parental Guidance with you, and you won't have to put your hands over their ears or tell them to shut their eyes. It's a cute movie. Predictable, but cute. I think I laughed once while I was watching it. I don't remember.

But because you can watch Parental Guidance with kids and not freak out, I give it The Janie Junebug Seal of Approval.

Happy Movie Watching!

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

FRANKLIN: SPEAK!

Hi, Every Buddy! It's me! It's me! It's me! I'm Franklin the Bordernese. I hope I don't make you sneeze. heheheh  I can be so funny.


Boy, it's been a long time since Mom let me write the blog post. I get to today because Mom weed whipped her leg. *snicker* I'm not laughing at Mom. I'm snickering at her. I like the word snicker. It's fun to say.

I wanna tell you about something I heard Mom say a couple days ago. She told her friend that I have a Sparkling Person Allie Tee. I don't know anybody named Allie Tee. The only Person I have is Mom. I guess she sparkles because of her diamonds, but I just don't get it. Can anybody explain to me why Mom said that? I don't want to bother her because she's resting.

I have a really fun game I like to play with Mom and her friends. When I know some buddy is going to sit in a chair, I hop up and sit in it first. Sometimes the person sits down and finds me behind her back. Sometimes the person sees me and says I have to get out of the chair. I don't think I should be punished because I'm faster than people.


I hate being in jail. Even with the door open, I know when I have a time out.

I don't get in trouble very often, though. Mom loves to have me show off for her friends. She points at me and I sit. She says Shake and we shake hands. She holds her hand by the side of my head and I lie down. She says Kiss and we kiss.

Then she always says, Franklin learned all of this during the first 24 hours he was here. Duh. It was so easy. But if sitting and kissing and all that makes Mom happy, then I'll do it forever and ever.

Mom is the only one who can get the kibble. I don't wanna starve to death.


I'm kinda tired now, so I think I'll rest next to Mom. She likes to touch my head and back when I sit next to her. It feels good, and she says that I make her leg all better.

I love you, Every Buddy!

Franklin

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

GRATITUDE TUESDAY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I hope that GRATITUDE TUESDAY will become a regular feature on my blog. The Random Acts of Kindness blogfest last week was so great that I want to continue it in some form (Thank you, Middle Child). Besides, someone who means a great deal to me, someone I consider to be very wise, suggested I make gratitude a regular part of my blog. It makes sense to me. Back when I didn't have many followers, darling Rita at The Adventures of Cinderita allowed me to write a guest post for her blog. Many of you who have been with me through thick and thin and thicker started following me after you read the guest post. And what did I write about?

Gratitude!

So here's my story about gratitude; these events occurred yesterday.

I don't have a very big yard, so I try to take care of it myself. And when it gets so hot and humid that I can't deal with lovely Florida, I whine a bit and Favorite Young Man takes over the yard for a while. In spite of being a decrepit old woman, I enjoy it; it provides me with some exercise.

Me, on a good day


So yesterday morning found me scooping poop in the backyard (I wish Favorite Young Man would use a bathroom like the Z-Boys, but when nature calls, FYM takes it literally). Then I retrieved my trusty weed whipper from the garage and wreaked havoc on some grass and weeds.

Here I am, weed whipping away.
I think I might be doing something wrong.

Then I did something pretty dumb. I lifted the weed whipper to get some weeds sticking out from the trellis that surrounds the bottom of my deck. As I lowered the weed whipper, somehow I managed to swing it toward myself just enough so that I weed whipped my left leg.

OW, I said, and dropped the weed whipper. I lifted my pants leg. No blood. Just scratches. The weed whipper likes me, he really likes me, and he apologized immediately. My bad, I said. Not your fault, I said. Weed whipper hopped up and whipped back into the garage.

Being the handy dandy first-aid person that I am, I knew I didn't need to go to the emergency room (however, for those of you who are worriers, I promise that if I have any concerns about this injury I will see a doctor). So I took a shower, put antibiotic ointment on my leg (just in case), put a bandage over the injury to provide some protective padding for the boo boo, and then wrapped it in gauze.

I have to admit that the boo boo smarted. As the day went on, it hurt. Being on my leg too much wasn't a good idea, and it's still sore today. I've been icing it, but I'm sure I'll have a sonuvabitch of a bruise.

So here's my first point of gratitude. I did something not so smart. I wasn't seriously injured.

Then late in the afternoon, I was the recipient of a "random" act of kindness that was so cute.

I went to the grocery store to get a few things, and then went in the Panera on Roosevelt in Jacksonville to have a salad. And maybe a cookie. Because a boo boo gets better with a cookie.

I asked for a flower cookie. They're lemon flavored, and I love them. They were out, but no problem because I also happen to love shortbread. I told the cashier I would take shortbread instead. A man who walked past the cashier confirmed that at least one shortbread remained.

Then that shortbread had better have my name on it, I said. Meaning: Don't sell it to someone else or the decrepit old lady with a boo boo will have a fit.

I saw the corners of the man's mouth turn up. A minute later the folks working behind the counter were giggling. The man, who turned out to be the manager, had gone to get icing to put my name on the cookie.

Everyone told me to go ahead and sit down and someone would bring my cookie out to me. So there I was with my delicious salad.

nom, nom, nom

Kandice, the adorable cashier, delivered my cookie to me personally. Written in icing, it said: For Ms. Janie Junebug, Queen of Grammar And Everything Else In The Whole World. 

Now, how can I not be grateful for that? Those people didn't even know I'd gotten hurt, and they were so incredibly nice to me.

As I was leaving, I went to the counter to thank the manager. His name is Michael. He was so sweet, and suggested that the thanks should go to Kandice, who actually did the writing. So, of course, I thanked Kandice.

I'm sorry I didn't take photos of Michael and Kandice and my cookie, but even though I know how to take a photo with my phone, I don't know what to do to transfer the photos to another location when I need them.

This is what I looked like when I went in Panera:


I left, looking like this:



Thank you, Michael and Kandice and everyone who works at Panera at 4403 Roosevelt Blvd. in Jacksonville, Florida.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


Monday, June 3, 2013

DANKE, MEIN LIEB

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Several weeks ago, my beloved Nicki Elson (author of Three Daves and Divine Temptation) at Nicki Elson's Not-So-Deep Thoughts gave me The Liebster Award. What with this, that, and the other thing – such as getting my car stuck in the mud – I haven't yet accepted this kindness. So, today, Yes, Nicki Elson, I accept your challenge.



I believe I've received this award before, and a few people have given it to me but I didn't accept because I had too much going on and I had run out of lies facts about myself. I don't want anyone to think I'm playing favorites. If I didn't accept the Liebster from you, then it wasn't because it came from you. I was just plain too unimaginative at that moment to think of crap to say about me.

The rules for this award are as follows:

This award is given to bloggers by bloggers and gives glimpses into our lives. We give 11 fun facts about ourselves, answer 11 questions, pass the award on to 11 bloggers and then ask 11 new questions. 

Here are my fun lies facts:


  1. Elisa, at The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom, is my middle child, as you already know. What you don't know is that she had an identical twin sister I gave up for adoption because I liked Elisa better. She was easier to pop out.
  2. I'm a real bitch extremely effective at complaining and often get businesses/stores to do what they should have done in the first place without a complaint.
  3. A man I've known less than a week is sitting next to me, right now, wearing nothing but a pair of short shorts. He is asleep and sawing logs.
  4. I am a gymnast and was on the Olympic team during whatever year it was that President Carter decided to boycott the Olympics. 
  5. I was favored to win 19 gold medals at the Olympics.
  6. I was an award winning debater in high school.
  7. I married Dr. X to make my mom shut up.
  8. I can't remember our wedding. I know I arrived at the church. I know who the best man, matron of honor, and groom were, but the ceremony is a blank. I think I was the bride.
  9. I've been in rehab for sexual addiction more than once. 
  10. The rehab never works. I always return to my addiction as fast as I fricking can.
  11. Kianwi at simply she goes is my mom, but not the one who needed to shut up so I married Dr. X. The mom who needed to shut up adopted me. Kianwi gave me up because she hadn't yet left the convent. 


All righty, then. Now I have to answer Nicki Elson's questions:

1. Les Mis or Sweeney Todd?
I've never seen either one performed live, so I'm choosing between the movies. The obvious answer is Sweeney Todd because my lover, Johnny Depp, is THE STAR.
2. If you were a comic book superhero, what wold your name be?
Janie Juneboobs
3. What are the toppings on your dream hamburger?
Lettuce and tomato, and you'd damn well better not bring me a pickle
4. What city (that you've never visited) do you most want to visit?
London
5. Favorite city (that you have visited).
San Francisco
6. Which Disney character is most like you?
Sleeping Beauty
7. Why? (in follow up to question 6)
I'm tired.
8. You can only choose one: would you rather write a book that's a best seller or a book that's highly acclaimed?
Highly acclaimed – duh
9. What's your biggest pet peeve when it comes to grammatical mistakes in a published book?
I refuses to anser such a silly kwestion becuz grammar don't matter.
10. If you could live permanently in any decade, which would it be?
Can't answer on the grounds it may incriminate me
11. Who's your favorite fictional romantic couple?
Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth
Now I'm to give the award to 11 other bloggers. If you see that I've given the award to you, then please say so in a comment so I don't have to contact you to tell you about it because I'm really too lazy to contact you but will feel guilty when I don't. Baby needs a new pair of shoes! Give me 11:

  1. http://desertcanyonliving.blogspot.com/  INGER
  2. http://www.youngmanbrown.com/ WHAT'S HIS NAME
  3. http://www.haleyscomic.com/ HALEY
  4. http://susan-swiderski.blogspot.com/ SUSAN FLETT SWIDERSKAROOSKY
  5. http://shellysm.blogspot.com/ SHELLY
  6. http://remoteappeal.blogspot.com/ LOONYSUSE
  7. http://my2ndcup.blogspot.com/  COFFEE LADY
  8. http://spotsandwrinkles.blogspot.com/ MARSHA
  9. http://thebluegrumpster.blogspot.com/ THAT LITTLE BLUE GUY WHO CLAIMS HE'S GRUMPY BUT HE'S NOT
  10. http://tonyvanhelsing.blogspot.com/  TONY VAN HELSING
  11. http://littlelottajoy.blogspot.com/  LITTLE LOTTA JOY
And last, but certainly not least, I must ask 11 questions to be answered by the bloggers I've nominated if they get around to accepting the award:

  1. Who is Elisa's twin sister?
  2. Are any of the fun facts about me true?
  3. If any of them are true, then which ones are true?
  4. Do I snore?
  5. How many siblings do I have?
  6. How many sisters do I have?
  7. How many of my sisters are bitches?
  8. How many dogs do I have? How many of my dogs are bitches?
  9. Where am I going on vacation this summer?
  10. Am I beautiful, gorgeous, or very, very pretty?
  11. Do I love Coffeypot?
If I nominated you for the award and you accept it, then please link back to me in your post.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug